Rumors
had their own classic epidemiology. Each started with a single germinating
event. Information spread from that point, mutating and interbreeding— a
conical mass of threads, expanding into the future from the apex of their
common birthplace. Eventually, of course, they'd wither and die; the cone would
simply dissipate at its wide end, its permutations senescent and exhausted.
There were exceptions, of course. Every now and then a single thread persisted, grew thick and gnarled and unkillable: conspiracy theories and urban legends, the hooks embedded in popular songs, the comforting Easter-bunny lies of religious doctrine. These were the memes: viral concepts, infections of conscious thought. Some flared and died like mayflies. Others lasted a thousand years or more, tricked billions into the endless propagation of parasitic half-truths.
There were exceptions, of course. Every now and then a single thread persisted, grew thick and gnarled and unkillable: conspiracy theories and urban legends, the hooks embedded in popular songs, the comforting Easter-bunny lies of religious doctrine. These were the memes: viral concepts, infections of conscious thought. Some flared and died like mayflies. Others lasted a thousand years or more, tricked billions into the endless propagation of parasitic half-truths.
Peter Watts
A twelve-year-old boy visited an aquarium and
waterpark with his parents on a family outing. The boy asks if he can explore
the park on his own for twenty minutes and the parents, wanting to encourage
his growing independence, consent. After an hour, the parents become concerned
and begin to search for him. After thirty more minutes he finally shows up, drenched
from head to toe with water, but unharmed. They give him a stern lecture, thank
park personnel, and head home. During the drive they notice a bad smell in the
car. Upon arriving home they send the boy off to bathe while they sit for a
relaxing cup of tea. Suddenly they hear loud splashing and strange noises from
the bathroom. Upon entering, they find the boy's new friend-a small penguin
that he had stowed away in his backpack.
Urban legends are
narratives about strange, funny, or horrible events that could have happened,
the details of which change to fit particular locales and time periods, and
which frequently contain a moral lesson. Urban legends arise in any context
where stories are told: around a campfire, in Internet chat rooms, in casual
conversation. They help people amuse themselves, transmit cultural norms and
values, and express commonly held fears. The term urban legend is actually a
misnomer because these stories often have nothing to do with cities. They are more
appropriately labeled modern or contemporary legends because they contain
themes related to modern life, such as automobiles, broadcasting, cell phones,
contamination, corporations, intercontinental travel, mass production, shopping
malls, technology, and teenage dating.
Urban legends are
first of all stories: they are narratives that have a setting, plot,
characters, climax, and denouement. They rope us in by weaving a clever and
entertaining yarn. The tale of the kidnapped penguin is certainly amusing!
Here's another popular anecdote: Vacationers at a lake in Florida were rowing
peacefully when they spotted a small dog hanging on for dear life to a piece of
driftwood. They rescued the critter, took it back to their lodge, and posted a
notice in the local classifieds, hoping to find the owner. No-one responded, so
they decided to adopt the new pet. After returning home, they went out shopping
and came back to find that the dog had mauled their cat somewhat—some of the
cat's fur had been torn off. When they took the dog to the veterinarian, he
asked "have you ever heard this dog bark?" They responded, no, but he
does give a funny yowl. The vet said, "That's because this is not a dog;
it's a Haitian rat!" This story has many versions, including the
"Mexican Rat" in which a compassionate woman brings a sick
"dog" across the Mexican border, observes that it is foaming at the
mouth, and takes it to the veterinarian.
The details vary
from story to story, but the core of the tale remains the same. A woman, walking
to her car in a parking lot, noticed a man following her. She quickly jumped
into the car and raced away. But the man got into his car and followed her. She
drove through the downtown, past businesses, bars, and houses. He persisted in
following her. Finally she drove to the home of her brother-in-law, a
policeman. Honking her horn, she quickly explained to her brother-in-law that a
man was stalking her. "And there he is!" she yelled as the man drove
up. The policeman quickly approached the man. "Take it easy" said the
chaser. "All I wanted to do was to tell her about the guy in the back
seat." And indeed there was a man huddled in the back seat of the woman's
car, a knife in hand and ready to attack. This story is called "The Killer
in the Back Seat" and has many variations in details: the event occurs at
night and the pursuer keeps his bright headlights on, the man huddled in the
back seat has a meat cleaver instead of a knife.
These stories are
about funny or horrible events that could have happened and often serve as
warnings. Two boys went out for a nature hike one morning. Before long their
canteens run dry so they stop at a river and bend down for a drink. One of them
jumps up and quickly exclaimed that he had swallowed something solid. They
noticed that in the river there was a bed of snake eggs. Not paying too much
attention to this they move on and forget about it. About a year later, the boy
who thought he had swallowed something solid became very weak but always had a
voracious appetite. His mother brought him to the doctor, who examined him and
then pumped his stomach—out of which came a ten-foot long snake! This story is
a version of the "Bosom-Serpent" legends; variants include the tale
of the teenage girl who exhibited a swollen abdomen as in pregnancy but it
turned out to be a many-tentacled octopus, the nest of spiders growing inside
of an arm, the earwig extracted from the human ear opposite of the one it
entered, and diet pills that really made you lose weight because they contained
tapeworms.
Urban legends, of
course, serve to entertain, amuse, and pass the time. They are funny,
horrifying, or just plain interesting. Urban legends are first of all
interesting because they possess the structure of a story that I mentioned
above: a setting, characters, plot, building to a climax, then denouement.
These elements, properly arranged and told well, are simply irresistible. The
topics of urban legends are fascinating as well: strange and unusual events. And
some urban legends are interesting because they are so disgusting. Researchers
Chip Heath, Chris Bell, and Emily Sternberg systematically varied how
disgusting a set of urban legends were, then presented them to forty-two Duke
University undergraduates and asked how likely they were to pass the story on.
For example, in a story about a man finding a dead rat in a soda bottle, the
low disgust version consisted of "Before he drank anything, he saw the
there was a dead rat inside." The medium disgust condition was:
"About halfway through, he saw that there was a dead rat inside." The
high disgust was even more, well, disgusting: "He swallowed something
lumpy, and saw that there were pieces of a dead rat inside." High disgust
stories were most likely to be passed along as compared with either low or
medium disgust tales. A really
disgusting story, at least among university undergraduates, is a really good
story to pass along.
But in addition,
urban legends help us manage our fears or provide a cautionary warning. Urban
legends often give voice to a variety of modern fears. The Haitian (or Mexican)
rat is thought to express fear of illegal immigrants. The account of the killer
in the back seat articulates a fear of the dark places in automobiles and of
vulnerable females being stalked. The bosom-serpent stories convey unspoken
anxieties about contamination—ingesting harmful substances, insects, or slimy
animals. Giving voice to these fears—-making them palpable via story—is a way
of gaining a sense of control over them and a way of warning people about them.
The following story
embodies—pardon the pun—the fear that many people have about artificial tanning
and serves as a warning against it. A young woman was part of a bridal party
and wanted to have a tan by the time of the ceremony, but was nowhere near
achieving this. Tanning salons limit customer exposure to thirty minutes per
day, so she visited several salons each day to get the quickest tan possible.
After several weeks of this, she began feeling very ill and also noticed that
her body had a foul odor that wouldn't go away. She went to her doctor. She had
actually managed to cook her body's internal organs; the smell was rotting
flesh. She died two weeks later. The warning served up by this story seems obvious:
Do not artificially tan to excess!
A similar
warning-filled story has become quite popular: A guy met a very attractive
woman at a club one night. He flirted with her, one thing led to another, and
soon they were back at his apartment. He thought to himself "What a lucky
night!" But the next morning he woke up alone and went to the bathroom.
Scribbled in red lipstick on the mirror in large letters was "WELCOME TO
THE WORLD OF AIDS." This story is known as "AIDS Mary" and has
an "AIDS Harry" version. It delivers a warning about promiscuous sex.
Urban legends also
frequently offer or imply a "moral to the story" in much the same way
that the traditional American legend of George Washington ("I cannot tell
a lie; I chopped down the cherry tree") supported the virtue of honesty.
Urban legends thus typically tell a morality tale or express a cultural value.
A cement-truck driver was on his way to deliver a load of concrete and happened
to be traveling through his neighborhood. He happened to see a Cadillac convertible
parked in his own driveway. After parking the truck, he crept up to the window
and saw his wife talking with a strange man. Thinking that his wife was
unfaithful, he backed the truck up to the Cadillac and filled it with concrete.
The Cadillac sunk to the ground under the magnificent load. That evening he
came home just as the car was being towed from his driveway to the junkyard.
His wife was crying hysterically—it seems that she had been scrimping and
saving for years to buy her husband a new Cadillac on his birthday and it had
just been delivered that morning by the dealer. Someone had filled it with
concrete! The moral: Don't jump to conclusions! The cultural value expressed:
Trust your loved ones, don't be so suspicious.
Author: Nicholas DiFonzo
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